This is probably the topic I mention the most when managing and mentoring.

(My other soapbox is content pillars.)

I talk about win sheets a lot simply because I believe they’re so important for remembering what you’ve done, but also giving you a confidence boost when your imposter syndrome is shouting louder than normal.

Every time I have managed or mentored someone new, one of the first things I’d advise that person to do is set up a win sheet. This is somewhere that you can store moments from work that make you feel proud, but also reassure you that you’re good at what you do.

That last bit is crucial.

Wins are different for everyone so don’t compare what feels like an achievement for you with someone else. Over-comparison gets you nowhere.

If you hate doing something that someone else loves, but you do it anyway that’s a win! Frankly, it’s still a win if you love doing it.

Here are some ideas if you’re not sure if you’ve ‘won’ this week:

• Personal feedback

• Public praise

• Leading a meeting

• Speaking up in a meeting

• A presentation

• A wicked social post

• Campaign launch

• Putting yourself out of your comfort zone

• Something you’ve never done before

What does a win sheet look like?

A win sheet doesn’t have to be some OTT format with multiple tabs or widgets, but something easy-to-use that, most importantly, works for you and your brain.

My version is a spreadsheet (Google Sheets) with some simple headings and a supporting Google Drive folder where I dump in screenshots, images and videos – or any other relevant files.

The headings on that spreadsheet are:

• Date

• Task/Title

• Brief description

• Feedback

• Link to ‘asset’ (something you’ve put in the corresponding folder or a URL)

• Misc./Notes

Doing this not only gives you a reference point for your work when it comes to 121s or appraisals but, critically, it’s something to read when you’re feeling low or having a particularly crap day. Keeping on-top of your win sheet means you can be kind to future you – quickly dampening any negative self-talk that might start to creep into your brain.

Here’s a real-life example from a friend who messaged me just this week:

Just want to say I am using your ‘win sheet’ idea - so helpful thanks! I can never remember what I did when it comes to the end of the year!

They know who they are so thank you for the message. Wishing you all the best in your appraisal – not that you need it!

(Don’t forget, you can also record personal achievements. You might do this separately to work wins, or combine them altogether).

My 2026 wins

In the interest of transparency, here are some of mine for 2026 so far:

• Won more work

• Secured my first speaking gig since starting Chapter

• Made an introduction to a business that resulted in them appointing a new non-executive director

• Attended several industry events

• Two referrals from existing clients

• More new business meetings

• Paid business VAT (this is of course good and bad, but still a milestone!)

What are yours?

Various studies will tell you that your most active period of personality development is between 20 and 40, but the foundations are clearly made much earlier.

This is definitely easier to see when you’re a parent or have younger relatives.

For example, I have a very good sense of the similarities and differences between my two boys and how they might act in the future.

This doesn’t mean their personalities are set for life, as they will clearly evolve, but it does give me some idea of where they will thrive as adults, or where they may need more support.

And it comes back to one point that I repeat again and again when mentoring:

The worst extensions of ourselves are extremes of our best qualities.

I use this idea to help people understand the reasons why they’re brilliant at what they do, but to also highlight the moments when they could tip themselves over the edge from inside their own mind.

We all do it, but it looks differently depending on your personality. As this list shows (best > worst):

1. Curious and open-minded > disconnected with an inability to focus.

2. Ambitious and driven > never satisfied, always pressurising others to ‘win’.

3. Rational and logical > insensitive and lacking empathy.

4. Humble and modest > never giving yourself any credit.

5. Thoughtful and diligent > overthinking and paralysed by analysis.

6. Calm and steady > emotionally distant and hard to read.

7. Disciplined and focused > rigid and inflexible.

8. Detail-oriented > miss the bigger picture.

9. Reliable and conscientious > unable to say no, taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours.

10. Direct and honest > blunt to the point of hurting people.

–

You get the idea.

Do any make you feel seen? I hope so.

I don’t want this list to make you feel bad (particularly you over-thinkers out there!), but to help you understand your own personal red zone. That moment when you need to stop and breathe… then consider why you’re in that position, and how to slowly take yourself out of it.

One thing to note, I’m not immune to this either!

And I have to remind myself about this on a semi-regular basis – which is particularly challenging when self-employed.

It’s not madness, honest!

But that’s also why I need to find others to bounce ideas off, whether that’s fellow self-employed people, agency-owners or the many people I confide in privately.

Finding those people you trust, who think a little differently to you, or have been through what you’re experiencing, goes a long way to helping you thrive in your own unique way.

Remember, you don’t need to completely change who you are – but doesn’t to hurt to adapt every now and then.

There is a meaning to that daft title and I’ll explain it at the end of this post.

In a recent mentoring session, I was asked to share my advice on switching off from work.

It’s a very real challenge, particularly now that 1 in 4 people are in some form of hybrid working situation.

If you had a career pre-Covid, you were used to five days a week – every week – in the office. You got on with it because it was the norm, and while it was made much more enjoyable and bearable if you worked with a good bunch of people (as I did), it’s easy to forget now that hybrid working is more normal.

You could also be like me and other self-employed people where you’re fully working from home, with the main challenge of trying to remember to leave your work behind without a physical change in location.

These scenarios bring their own challenges, particularly if you’re someone who struggles to switch off from work. I therefore thought it would be useful to share the advice I gave on that mentoring call with the hope it’s provides some guidance for others.

A quick side-note, these techniques won’t work all of the time. Sometimes a properly crap day will ruin anyone’s chance to switch off at home, but structure and repetition are often good antidotes.

Creating a specific WFH space

One of the underrated benefits of being in an office is the ability to literally separate home from work. The physical act of leaving the office and commuting does mostly allow you to slowly unwind by the time you arrive home.

This evaporates when actually working from home.

However, one technique is to create a specific space that’s just for WFH life. For some, this is a home office, study or spare bedroom. But if you don’t have the space, it could be a specific area of your house or even one particular chair at your kitchen table.

The latter might sound daft, but by associating that area with work, it means you don’t mentally connect the whole house as an extension of your office.

If you’re allowed to work from anywhere, you can follow the same routine in your favourite cafe, co-working space, library, and so on. Anywhere that you feel comfortable and motivated.

Sometimes it could just be a case of putting away all work materials – completely out of sight – when you’re not working. If you can’t see it, it’s one less reminder of work.

The work-association game

I am unable to work while listening to a podcast or watching TV. I’ll either completely focus on the media and ignore my work, or phase it out and crack on with whatever tasks are on my to-do list.

Both affect my concentration, so I just don’t do it.

However if it works for you then that’s cool – but don’t do it if you want to separate your enjoyment of that podcast (or TV programme, film or album) from your day-to-day. You will end up subconsciously associating it with work, even when you’re on non-work time.

Instead, you might listen or watch something only outside of work, or even choose not to do something when you’re working.

You can also explore a commitment device and see if that helps your process and focus.

Switch off non-urgent notifications

I’m a big believer in this one when you’re WFH, particularly if your notifications can be distracting or duplicated.

Starting with the latter first – you don’t need email and chat notifications pinging on your laptop at the same time as your phone.

If you can set a status so your team know you’re in focus mode then that’s a great example of clear communication. And helps you to be less distracted.

This is one of the main reasons why I mute many group chats on Whatsapp#!

What about the shower?

When COVID hit, everyone who’d never worked from home was suddenly thrust into the challenge of trying to do so, while also maintaining their (heavily restricted) personal lives.

I used to work from a spare bedroom and, before going downstairs to be a parent and husband, I would jump in the shower to try and switch off. This was my own physical barrier between work and home, even though it was in the same space.

Since I eventually got used to hybrid working, and now being fully remote, it’s not something I need to do anymore.

Someone once called it ‘commuting in the shower’ which sounds like a bizarre innuendo…

That now means it time to stop writing and end this post!

One frequent conversation I have when mentoring is around the theme of working with others and surviving in office environments.

This is especially common in people who are still at university and haven’t fully started their career, or those who are in the early months or years of their first job.

It also crops up when anyone I mentor is taking tentative steps into finding a new role and needs support around interviews.

My main advice to these people, and to you if this sounds familiar, is this:

You don’t need to completely change who you are just because you’re at work.

This, like any advice given during mentoring, is easy to say and harder to act on. But I too struggled with this concept in the earlier days of my career.

I was particularly guilty of over-talking and interrupting – then charging on without realising what I’d done – and being pulled up on it by colleagues. When compared to this happening at school or at home, it’s ten times worse in the workplace.

It immediately makes you doubt everything you do so you don’t wind people up, particularly if they have a very senior job title or appear to be paid tens of thousands of pounds more than you. That hierarchy can have a really nasty impact on your mindset.

You become tempted to make drastic changes to your personality or way of working, without considering that you could refine – not reinvent – who you are at work.

Adapting without code switching

Making a difference in any job is not about asking “how do I fit in here?”. It’s asking: “How do I contribute without completely losing who I am?”

Most of the time, the answer isn’t dramatic – it’s small adjustments that add up over time.

The skill is twofold.

Firstly, remembering everyone you work with is human (even if some occasionally don’t act like it). This will make you far more comfortable talking to anyone regardless of job title or their position in the org chart. If this is alien to you, look to those who you admire and do it well, then seek them out for their advice.

The second is to understand yourself more. This can be hard, but you’re not doing this to generate extra criticism but, instead, looking for advice from people you trust. You’re not asking them to tell you everything they think is wrong with you – don’t cause yourself more grief!

Instead you’re using some very simple guidance questions to ask for actionable feedback:

• Is there anything I say or do, that I could/should do more of?

• Is there anything I say or do, that I could/should less of?

And after all of them, don’t forget to add “if so, why?” so the answers you get are constructive.

Combining these skills with a positive attitude and willingness to learn go a long way in any job – as does being easier to work with – which both of those traits help with massively.

Personally, I’m now hugely comfortable with my work personality, as it’s an accurate reflection of who I really am. I don’t code-switch to present an inauthentic version of myself, but I will apply some slight tweaks depending on who I’m speaking to.

Tweaks which, overtime, I’ve learned to make without thinking.

I also own the moments which previously were causing me problems. For instance, where I think I might have gone on a bit I’ll intentionally stop myself with a variation of: “I realise I’m waffling, but does that make sense?”. Or, if I’ve unintentionally interrupted because I had a point to make, I’ll quickly apologise and caveat it: “Sorry for interrupting, I was getting excited about the project.”

These work for me.

You will find yours.

But you don’t need to be a completely ‘new you’ during your working hours.

Today, I finally do.

Welcome to Quick Catch Up.

And this is what I’ll be sharing:

Practical advice for people who are good at their jobs but can’t help second-guessing themselves.

Why the name change? Allow me to explain…

Partly because after brainstorming other alternatives, this one stood out. But mostly because it’s a chance to reclaim a phrase that many people dread, particularly when it pops up randomly in their work calendar.

Typically it’s added by a manager or director who’s thought nothing of it and genuinely does want a quick catch up – with a question or thought about a task but very rarely anything bad.

However, the phrase is known to be hugely triggering and can send recipients spiralling as these kinds of calls are dropped into a diary with no context or additional information.

They then immediately think the worst…

From “what have I done wrong?” to “am I being fired?”

By naming my blog Quick Catch Up, I want to reclaim it and spin its meaning to something positive.

Every time you see Quick Catch Up in your inbox I want you to see it as a place you can quickly refer to when you’re seeking a second opinion or an alternative point of view, or you’re having a bad week because imposter syndrome has grabbed hold of you and won’t let go.

You can use it for reference or reassurance, or you can share with a colleague or friend who might need to hear positive advice from someone else.

I hope it’s all of these things and more.

New blog under this banner coming next week.

–

The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a slight change in colours. These now match by brand colours for Chapter.

We all get nervous, but some nerves aren’t equal.

Some people can simply shake them off after five minutes, for others it’s days or weeks of worry ahead of whatever event or moment they’re preparing for.

Both are normal and both are equally valid.

Is acceptance the secret weapon?

Yes.

The ability to acknowledge nerves can be your way to win, particularly in a situation where you have some element of control, and other people are involved

(Obviously this doesn’t apply to England in final, sadly!).

Whether you’re in an interview or making a presentation, letting your audience know you’re a little bit nervous humanises you – it lets them know you’re not a robot, but that you care.

Turn it into a joke to help you settle. When they laugh, or even just smile, you’ve made a connection. They get it, they’ve more than likely been there too… and they might even subconsciously or actively remember that time they felt the same way.

Crucially, the ability to public acknowledge and accept your nerves doesn’t diminish your skills or expertise. Instead, it shows your audience the real you, and increases their trust in what you’re about to say.

Reframing nerves at work

Whilst searching for supporting inspiration for this post, I spotted these two comments on Reddit, specifically related to job interviews:

I interview (and hire) a lot. You have to understand how much I’m rooting for you. My boss has been up my ass for weeks to fill this position and I’m so hoping it’s you. Honest to god, this is the truth. You may think there’s a power imbalance but please understand that I desperately want to hire you.

And:

The best advice I can give is to alter your mindset. The company has a need. They are looking for experts who can fill that need.

You’re in the driver’s seat. Don’t look at it as “I need a job, please help me.”

It’s (from the employer) “we really need someone who has the capability to do this work. Please tell me you are this person!!”

And then tell them why you are there to “rescue” them.

They’re both powerful.

They both help to flip the mindset of the interviewee so they understand the person or people who will be sitting opposite them.

And, as a good job interview should be a conversation – not a grilling – this will hopefully help to settle your nerves too. That doesn’t mean you’ll lose them completely – as we’ve established that’s normal – but it does mean you’re able to feel more in control.

More you.

And the application of those two quotes goes beyond interviews into work more broadly. If you’re gearing up for a presentation, the audiences wants to hear from you. They’re sitting there to hear your knowledge because their job is the same or similar to yours, or they’ve read the synopsis, or they’ve seen what you write on LinkedIn.

Not to mention the fact that you’ve decided to give that presentation because you know what you’re talking about and may have wanted to put yourself out of your comfort zone. Another positive which shows you’re in control.

Remember, your nerves just show you care.

And that’s a good thing!

–

It’s important to separate nerves from genuine anxiety. If you’ve read the above and find it difficult to do that, please read this advice from Mind. And remember, help is always available if needed.

It doesn’t disappear because you’ve been tested. It doesn’t disappear after a bad week. It doesn’t disappear because you’ve had a brain fart. It doesn’t disappear because you’re meeting someone for the first time. It doesn’t disappear because you’re talking to someone way (way!) more senior than you.

You get the point.

You know what you know – it’s what got you where you are today.

Just because something is different, it doesn’t mean imposter syndrome should take over.

No one – and I mean no one – knows everything. And confidence isn’t about knowing everything, but more about being prepared and having some level of self-trust to help you figure things out.

Or speaking to the people who can help you do that.

‘Newness’ doesn’t invalidate everything you already know. It’s simply the chance to share what you know with people you don’t.

Trust the evidence – it’s everything you’ve already done.

Enjoy the rest of your week. ✌️

“I was thinking about that and it reminded me of you.”

This is the most basic principle of marketing which, at its heart, is to make your brand as memorable as possible for when someone needs it.

That same thinking applies when you work alone and need to market yourself... which is ironic when you work in marketing and should be taking your own advice.

Guilty... 😬

Think: “a painter’s house is never painted” but it’s your business and the paint is your own marketing (a perfect analogy because marketing is just pretty pictures, right…? 🙄)

This isn’t easy when you’re supposed to be doing the doing, but end up doing the stuff that supports the doing – from seeking new business to sending invoices and everything in between.

However, this is why it’s so important to remember you’re not alone.

There are plenty of people out there doing something similar right now – but further along their ‘journey’ – especially in marketing.

You can support and lift each other up, or listen to their advice and experiences.

I did the latter last week. Thank you Esther Akers!! 🙌

That quote at the top is something she said during our long-overdue catch-up.

Ultimately, the point is – to anyone currently doing their own thing (or thinking of doing it) – find your people, seek advice and follow your own... then keep showing up.

Good things will happen!

And then you bump into each other in the same week at soft play when you both have the same idea for entertaining/tiring out kids on a Saturday afternoon… just like Esther and I did!

This post is inspired by one.

Randomly scrolling through TikTok, I watched the video of Russell Crowe delivering the eulogy at the funeral of Australian broadcaster, John Laws.

In the short clip Crowe says:

“The very first time I met John, he gave me the impression that he believed in me. That is an undervalued gift to instil confidence in others.”

That is such a powerful statement. And so true.

It’s why I wrote about a comment from a manager during my time stacking shelves at Sainsbury’s that’s still stuck in my head 20 years later – a moment that showed me what leadership is all about.

It’s why I recently had a meeting with someone I’d not seen in 10 years after they once told me they thought I’d be good at running my own business.

That person made that comment in 2015, and was one of a number of supporting reasons that gave me the confidence to finally take that plunge… in 2025. (Better late than never!)

I’ve also received many similar comments since launching Chapter, which give me even more confidence and self-belief that my adventure into self-employment is going to work.

Because it’s hard!

These words really do make a difference.

They help far more than those saying them potentially realise.

It’s also why I enjoy mentoring, because it make you realise things about yourself that you don’t see without a conversation with someone facing similar challenges to ones you’ve already overcome in your career. And why you can be a mentor and a mentee at the same time.

Telling people you believe in them, or believe they’re good at what they do, is so powerful.

With that in mind, I’ll leave you with this challenge…

Who can you lift up?

–

Apologies for the gap in posting. I’ve been working solely on Chapter, while also trying to be a present dad and husband. It’s tricky!

I’m hoping to stick to a couple of posts a month, sharing more immediate thoughts rather than lengthy essays.

Let’s see how it goes.

In the first few weeks of running my own business I've ramped up my content output – it's all part of the inevitable founder-journey to get your name out into the world.

Critically – as I said in my second LinkedIn post after launching Chapter – because you never know who's paying attention.

(Advice I’m trying to live by as I know not every post will go viral, even though this one did…)

However, a big part of that dilemma – and any form of advice-sharing content – is trying not to sound like you have all the answers. Balancing that fine line between offering your audience genuinely useful insight which they might not have heard before, and being seen as an irritating know-it-all.

That’s harder than you think when you’re trying to stand out to demonstrate expertise that’s different to everyone else so people recognise your skills and abilities.

Most people don’t intentionally set out to reach Elevenerife, but they may occasionally stray near its borders.

I’ve become even more aware of this dilemma as I share more and more content that I think (and hope!) is useful for those I’d like to work with.

I know I’ll occasionally get it wrong and I have plenty of sounding boards I can turn to if I’m concerned what I’m saying sounds bossy or pretentious.

After all, no one wants to be hated or worse, ignored.

That's because 'dwell' is an odd word to partner with 'win'.

It is intentional but bear with me.

What does it mean to ‘dwell’?

While historically it has positive religious connections for those who believe, these days it's almost almost always used negatively.

We usually see it written before phrases such as "...on something" or "...on negative experiences" or even, "...on the past."

In all of those negative examples, dwell works.

It seems to perfectly define a sense of lingering, worrying or concern over something bad or indicate a period of overthinking and negative self-doubt.

At best, it might be used neutrally if we have to dwell at an airport while we wait for a connecting flight, but even then that's hardly the most enjoyable of scenarios (unless, I guess you have airport lounge access?).

At work, you can dwell in worry over something you said in a meeting, or when your manager sticks an impromptu "catch up" in your diary with no explanation. I'm also sure many of you reading have been guilty of dwelling on things that you think went wrong on a project, even though they were only minor setbacks.

I can even guarantee you will have dwelled on what else you could have done on a task, even if in reality there was nothing else to give and it was delivered perfectly.

The point is, we've clearly all dwelled.

We can all dwell better

So why then do we not dwell on the good stuff? The time when things went well, when you received great feedback, or successfully delivered a project on-time and under-budget.

Why do we never seem to give ourselves time to sit back and embrace the joy (or occasional relief) after a job well done?

We should.

In this scenario, dwelling is not wallowing or worrying, but instead a time of reflection and a time to breathe. It's the extended moment you should give yourself to reward your efforts, without thinking the most important thing to do is to quickly move onto the next project. Interestingly, one definition of dwell is “to be fully present in a place or with a person”.

Why can’t we reclaim that statement and use it for the better?

If that means treating yourself to a beer, a takeaway or an episode on Netflix, so be it. At least give yourself the time to bask in the positive feeling associated with a win or a success – it often doesn’t linger for long so take advantage of it.

We all deserve to win, but we also deserve the time to dwell on that win too.

Don't you?

Tomorrow I officially work for myself!

Exciting? Yes. Scary? Absolutely. Ready? Definitely.

I’m hugely excited to announce the launch of my own social media consultancy, Chapter.

I’d pondered the idea for years before, but always dismissed it. However, after months of deliberation I realised that there’s never a perfect time to make a big change (such as starting your own business) – but there is a right time.

This is now.

I’m pleased to say my decision comes with tonnes of support from friends, family and former employers.

Thank you to all of them.

I also wanted to share this news with you, one day ahead of my public launch, as a small thank you for reading and subscribing. It means a lot to receive likes and replies each time I post, as well as the occasional in-person conversation when people tell me they’ve read my stuff.

I’m well aware that recently my posts here have been very infrequent, but that will be changing as – somewhat ironically – this new adventure will actually give me more time to write. I really am committed to sharing thoughts and opinions on careers and mentoring as this is still a huge passion of mine, and I want to continue to help as many people as I can.

Thanks for sticking around.

In the meantime, here’s a little bit more about Chapter.

What is Chapter?

Ah, the elevator pitch.

*Deep breath*.

Chapter is a social media consultancy specialising in strategy, coaching, training and management.

Quite honestly, Chapter is me – Dave Endsor.

I’m a social media consultant with 15+ years experience in agency and in-house marketing. I now use that knowledge to help people, teams and businesses approach social media more confidently and strategically – with a clearer sense of purpose.

​All of this is done through curiosity, craft and determination, with an emphasis on results and stories with meaning – whatever your sector, goals, challenges or experience.

What will you be doing?

While hugely experienced across multiple marketing disciplines throughout my career, social media is my area of speciality.

I’ll be offering strategy, consultancy, training and management services, each with a unique approach and output.

Clients and their teams can use me for all four or just one – I’m flexible.

What’s the plan?

​I want to help people, teams and businesses use social media more confidently and strategically – through perceptive and honest advice, personal and practical coaching, and a bit of fun along the way.

Because if we can't have fun at work, what's the point?!

Who will you work for?

Really, anyone who would like my help. I’m experienced across B2B and B2C social, so I understand the unique challenges that businesses face with their marketing efforts.

I also know that what connects brands, regardless of sector or focus, is their need to reach the right audiences and get results that matter.

That’s where I come in.

What’s your experience?

I've developed social media strategies for national housebuilders, internationally renowned schools, software education providers, big pharma brands, events venues and more.

I've coached social media managers to get more from their channels, trained senior leadership teams to improve and build their industry profiles, as well as redeveloped customer service process via social media.

For three years I led social media and content for Blue Light Card, increasing organic impressions on average by 33% year on year. This peaked at a record high of 63 million impressions over 12 months.

There’s a lot more.

What’s something people may not know?

As part of a brilliant account team at a digital marketing and PR agency, I led the launch of the social media channels for the charity of one of Game of Thrones' biggest stars. 🐉

Will you still write here?

Yes. 😁

Where I can read more about Chapter?

There’s a few places.

At the time of writing many may not be populated, but they will soon be.

• https://www.thisischapter.co.uk/

• https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveendsor/

• https://www.linkedin.com/company/thisischapter/

• https://www.instagram.com/thisischapteruk/

There’s an inevitable trend in mentoring where the topic of conversation veers towards colleague-comparison.

It’s never good.

As it says in the sub-heading there’s a reason it’s known as the thief of joy.

Comparing yourself to others immediately reduces your own value and puts them on an unreachable pedestal where you assume everything they do is better, wiser and smarter than your best efforts.

It’s a true cliché that we only ever really see people’s best moments – whether that’s in the office or on LinkedIn when it comes to work, or their ‘dream’ personal life as shared on Instagram.

Sorry to talk sport for a moment, but you wouldn’t compare the blooper reel of one footballer to the highlight reel of footballer to prove a point, would you?

(Actually, mad football ones would but that’s besides the point!)

So why do it in your life with your friends, family or colleagues?

If people don’t mention their own self-doubts or wellbeing troubles, you’re none the wiser – so you have no idea what’s really going on beyond their screen or smile.

No one – and I really do mean no one – is 100% comfortable at any point. There are always worries and doubts – big or small.

The problem is you can make this worse when you start comparing yourself to the reality you see, rather than the reality that actually exists.

You shouldn’t do either but the latter is a little bit more acceptable.

The trick is to try something a little different.

Is it possible to stop comparing?

Yes.

Kind of.

Obviously, no one ever fully stops comparing themselves. It’s as basic a human reaction as saying ‘wheyyy!’ like you did at school when someone smashed a plate

Instead, turn comparison into understanding.

I’ve seen a brilliant example of this in action very recently, where someone has rerouted their comparison energy into something better.

It’s unfair to name them, but they will know who they are after reading this (hopefully), so I hope their efforts help others.

Following a recent promotion, this person took it upon themselves to learn from colleagues with the same job title. They took the time to work out what they wanted to get out of conversations with each person, and set up the quarterly meetings to speak to them directly.

The purpose? Well there’s three:

1. Reassurance – hearing the stories and challenges of others to help you appreciate that what you’re doing works. (Validation is perfectly normal when it comes to speaking to others).

2. Perspective – understand how other people work, as we’re all different, and challenge your own assumptions, open yourself up to new ideas and ways of thinking or working.

3. Learning – what are others better at than you? Can you learn, and then adapt into your own style? Perhaps more importantly, have they made a mistake they learned from that might help you in the future?

I’m sure there are more, but the point is by aiming to understand rather than compare, you’re preventing a bigger headache of internally worry and self-doubt.

You’ll feel much better for it.

Dave

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If you liked this post, please read this one:

However, constructive feedback (positive or negative) is far more useful – but it can be hard to take. It’s meant to deliver longer-term positive impact on your way of working, your attitude or your mindset (among many other things).

The better leaders don’t treat every situation or interaction as a moment to tell someone else their thoughts, but they do know the right time to dish out praise, or provide actionable advice for improvements. Importantly, they do all of this without going over the top in either direction.

Despite all of this and the best intentions of those giving the feedback, many people still struggle to know how to take it.

The challenge then, is how to change that. Here’s some ideas that might help…

Train yourself

A big irony around feedback is that we all need it, but asking for it is hard. However, like most things in life, the more you do something, the more comfortable you will be each time it happens. That first step is the hardest.

You can start with those you trust the most and get comfortable asking them for feedback. Then you can build up to asking those you find harder, or intimidating, to talk to.

Get ahead of it

The best communicators “choose their words well, understand their audience, and connect with them at the right time and place.”1

They also give the context behind what they’re saying and, even more importantly, why they’re saying it.

When you’re not as experienced, this is hard.

But it’s even harder to explain how you work and how you would like to receive feedback. You might find this concept silly, or pointless, or that you’re just being a nuisance.

None of those are true.

Getting ahead of it means explaining to your team or manager how receiving feedback works for you.

For instance, you may want feedback as soon as possible after a meeting or presentation. Or, if that’s your idea of hell, you may only want to hear someone else’s thoughts once you’ve processed your own.

Remember those people at school or university who would want to discuss the exam questions immediately after it had finished? Versus those who just wanted to forget about it (regardless of how well they thought they’d done)?

They exist in work too.

Either way, if you explain your preferred method, then it will only benefit you going forward.

Understand who’s giving it

Once you’ve established the way you like to receive feedback, remember to appreciate who’s giving it is often as important as what they’re saying. Depending on their communication style, they might be delivering feedback in a way they find is fair and considered but – in your eyes – it comes across as direct, blunt or even confrontational.

The opposite could also be true.

Get to know them and discuss how you both react to feedback so you can appreciate each other’s points of view – and then you’ll work even better together.

Breathe. Think. Respond.

Whether you struggle to accept good feedback or find it hard to reply when told anything constructive, remember… you are allowed to take a moment to think.

And this moment doesn’t have to be two minutes.

If someone offers you their thoughts, ideas or support and then immediately asks if that helps, it’s perfectly acceptable to reply along the lines, “I’m not saying no, I just need to process it – but thank you for sharing. Let me reply later/tomorrow/next week.”

This gives you the space you need to process what’s been said in your way and in your own time.

Not all feedback is useful feedback

You don’t have to agree with everything that’s said.

Failing all of that, take a moment to use possibly the best piece of advice I’ve ever read – if you wouldn’t listen to their praise, why listen to their feedback?

I wrote more on that way of thinking back in August 2024.

(I say staring, in reality, it’s written on my to do list.)

A question that’s particularly appropriate to people who’ve never had a mentor or are unsure if they’re using their existing one in the right way.

How do you get the most out of it all?

What to expect when you’re expect-…being mentored

I’ve written before on what mentoring means to me. It’s a chance to help, give back, learn about others, and share experiences and stories.

Ultimately, it’s an ongoing conversation where you get out what you put in.

If you’re heading into a mentoring session with a question like, ‘what would you do in my shoes?’, then you’re approaching it slightly backwards.

The trick is to not expect to be told what you need to do next, but to appreciate the ideas, opinions and experiences shared by your mentor – before applying the ones you think might work best for you.

Then learn and adapt.

Instead, consider approaching your next session with thoughts and themes along some of these lines:

• “I’m experiencing X, what advice would you have to move past this situation?”

• “In your experience, how have people dealt with X.”

• “I’m looking to take the next step in my career, what guidance could you offer on where to start?”

• “How can I reframe my thinking around X?”

Your mentor will, ideally, give you advice – based on experience – that provides clarity. This might be a counterpoint to your way of thinking which makes you pause as you consider that not everyone thinks the same way, or reassurance that you’re on the right track.

Ultimately, they’re a sounding board, but you’re the one who does the doing. You may take on board their advice, or ignore it, but critically you should treat it as a constant learning experience. Not sticking rigidly to a process or attitude that sees you regretting decisions and experiences.

If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always got.

(Other clichés are available!)

When you take on advice and move away from instructions

Slightly caveat here. This is not dismissing day-to-day instructions that you’re giving as part of your job – we all get those!

This is about seeking advice and guidance around your own development or career path, rather than simply asking someone to tell you what you should do next.

The idea of slowly moving away from an instruction-led approach, to taking advice and trying it yourself, is a learning curve we all go through.

I think it’s borne from our experiences of growing up – that power balance between us and people like our parents or teachers. Typically, these are environments where we learn right from wrong and can frequently be told what to do, or how best to do something.

It’s a hard habit to break, but as we get older and start to progress in our careers, we can occasionally fall back into that mindset.

That’s ok.

But separating the moments where you go back to your personal support network versus your mentor(s) is an important boundary to define.

Then you can start to develop your own career, your way, while still appreciating the advice of others.

We’ve all done it, but is it one of your unbreakable habits?

This can be a trait of those of you who struggle with self-confidence, where you seem to take the whole weight of any negative feedback but dismiss any praise.

On the outside, it looks like you’re assuming all of the responsibility when something goes wrong or doesn’t go according to plan, yet none of the gratitude when you’re appreciated or congratulated.

If this is you then you’re likely to have once responded with one of the following to someone giving you any form of positive feedback:

1. “But you’re amazing too!”

2. “Anyone could have done it.”

3. “I had a lot of help.”

4. “It was a team effort.”

5. “It was nothing.”

6. “Just doing my job.”

7. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

8. “It wasn’t perfect, but thanks.”

I get it.

If you doubt yourself more regularly than you praise yourself, then why would you answer any differently?

Low confidence, lack of self-belief, low self-esteem… they all play havoc with our brains.

Reframing feedback

However, what if I take those answers and offer a counter to each one?

Maybe it will help.

1. “But you’re amazing too!”
   The person praising you isn’t doing it to get praise about themselves! It doesn’t have to be mutual. They’re being genuine and want you to know it.

2. “Anyone could have done it.”
   Theoretically yes, but ‘anyone’ didn’t do it – you did! It doesn’t matter whether this was a task you were asked to do, or took it upon yourself to complete, you’re the one who finalised it all.

3. “I had a lot of help.”
   Were you the one who organised everyone and brought them all together to meet the deadline? Probably! That’s why you’re getting the praise!

4. “It was a team effort.”
   Often the the follow-up response if you first said number three. Most things at work are a team effort but that doesn’t mean your work has any less value just because others were involved. Team collaboration is a skill. Team management is an even bigger one.

5. “It was nothing.”
   No., just no. You know you’ve worked hard on this – don’t diminish it.

6. “Just doing my job.”
   But you’ve done this bit (or all of it) really well, and someone wants you to know it. And, knowing the type of brains who say this particular answer, I know how much effort you put into a project. Every. Single. Time.

7. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
   It’s not a small deal though is it? Shall we meet in the middle?

8. “It wasn’t perfect, but thanks.”
   This one needs the curtain pulling back on the truth. Nothing is ever perfect, and the more we try and perfect it, the further away we get from ever finishing it. This doesn’t mean “80% is good enough” (although, there’s a whole post to unpack this idea in the future!), but about understanding what’s more important on a project-by-project basis. Does it need to get submitted and sent out the door? Or is excellent essential? That’s where feedback helps.

One trick to remember with any feedback, is to ask yourself, “If I heard someone else give this praise about this work, and it wasn’t mine, would I agree?”

The answer is more than likely yes.

After all, no one judges you more harshly than… you!

What if you’re not quite ready to change?

Advice is easy to give, but difficult to implement.

Don’t think you suddenly need to be a confident egomaniac who is obsessed with your own brilliance – no one is expecting that level of character evolution.

(You wouldn’t want to change that much anyway!)

If your default setting is one of those eight answers – or a variation I haven’t included – then start small.

“Thank you” is more than enough to acknowledge your contribution, without jumping to include “and the team this…” or “but, you know that…”. It acknowledges the feedback, doesn’t diminish your contribution, but politely ends the chat.

Saying thank you gives you the foundation to build from and, slowly but surely, bring in more of the ideas I put forward under the list above.

You’ll start to feel more comfortable praising your team first, and then acknowledging your own efforts.

Eventually, you’ll find the courage to say how proud you are of the one person you don’t praise enough – you!

Mentoring is a two-way street.

Cliché. ✅

Moving on…

Evolving that statement a little more – effective mentoring is a two-way street.

It requires respect, input and consideration from everyone involved. If a mentee doesn’t propose discussion points and bring questions to each session then it doesn’t work. Likewise, if the mentor makes no effort to understand what shapes their mentee’s point of view and mindset, it’s also doomed to fail.

It’s best described, at least in my opinion, as an all-around willingness to try – from both parties.

Crucially, it’s not something that’s ever meant to be ‘completed’.

What’s more important is the learnings and wins along the way rather than achieving some glorious end goal before you part ways. It’s about continuous improvement, flexibility and personal growth – underpinned by mutual trust and respect.

At least that’s part of what it means to me.

Mentor? Mentee? Why not both…?

Like any challenge, good or bad, the hardest part is often just getting started.

Finding a mentor is the same, but being open to the idea (whether it was your own or suggested) is a huge first step. Even if it can get off to a mentally-rocky start.

To begin with, you worry about who your mentor could be, then once you decide who, you worry they’ll say no and – even if they do say yes – you worry it won’t work, that they’ll hate you and you’ll fail at everything you’ve ever done. Or could ever do. At work. In life. Anywhere!!

Exhausting.

Here’s the twist.

Those who take that plunge to become a mentee, don’t actually realise the skills they’re already showing by just getting started. They’re showing they’re receptive to the idea of feedback and new ways of thinking, while demonstrating an openness to listen and learn.

These are incredible qualities, and ones any good mentor should possess.

Let me hammer the point home – these people will absolutely make good mentors.

They’ll research thoroughly, listen actively and wholeheartedly, taking it just as seriously as they would want to be mentored.

The irony is that they’re probably mentoring in some way already, but without the official title, or perhaps without even realising. They could be assigned to buddying with new starters or delivering training or guidance for those more junior in their careers. More subtly, but just as powerful, they could be a go-to source of reassurance or support in the eyes of those who share their concerns on imposter syndrome and the ‘am I doing a good enough job’ Sunday night scaries.

If you’re starting to realise this might be you, let me know tell you – it absolutely is! Please trust me!

You can be a mentee and still have a mentor.

Maybe your turn is now?

As a commitment to giving feedback where it's deserved, I will be telling those I know who show these characteristics that this post is for them.

This isn’t because I believe my opinion to be so important or influential that they need to hear it, but more because praise should be offered willingly and regularly.

If you have something good to say about someone else then say it.

I will focus my next blog on the irony of mentoring, but I’d like to start this year with some reminders.

In some of my recent conversations, including one where I needed advice, I’m reminded that a new year doesn’t always mean a new start or a fresh mindset. The Christmas break has long gone, but some of the concerns you had before can still be lingering.

That’s normal. Time off isn’t the same for everyone.

While you think you should be able to relax and switch off, it actually turns out to be the opposite. Some people sink deeper into their minds, retaining the same worries they had long before any turkey or stuffing.

Then, before you know it, January is here and you’re thrown headfirst into a new year while being told you should be refreshed and ready to ‘hit the ground running’.

Some people thrive on this mentality, others are understandably scared.

So, briefly revisiting some of my posts from 2024, here are a few to read if you’re facing one, or more, of following scenarios:

Mindset:

• If you’re guilty of negative self-talk.

• If you’re a people-pleaser.

• If you’re worried you’re not progressing.

• If you’re not taking the time to ‘win’.

• If you never put yourself first.

Career worries:

• If you’re thinking of quitting your job.

• If you keep worrying and never ask for help.

• If you’re afraid to tell people you’re job hunting.

• If you’ve stopped applying for something because of the job description.

• If you want to start again.

And in the interest of personally remembering to win, based on that 4th bullet point under mindset, I’m hugely proud of all of the posts I wrote last year.

Thank you to everyone who subscribes, or sends me LinkedIn DMs and/or WhatsApp messages – even if you then say: “Well that’s enough compliments for you Dave for the year!”

It means a lot.

Dave

To get the conclusion to this post out of the way right from the outset – cutting back on some projects and talking it through helped.

But context is everything and in the interest of being transparent, as I explained from the start of this writing adventure, here’s why.

When it all comes crashing down

If you know me well, you might be surprised to know that things ‘getting to me’ aren’t my style.

I’m driven and focused in a crisis, I think calmly under pressure, and I’m relaxed about almost everything… except when dealing with a certain football team.

However, recent events meant I had a brainful.

It all starts with the subheading of this section as we had a house disaster. We cut short a half-term family holiday following a major house leak which destroyed our lounge and a lot of fixtures and fittings.

(We are thankfully now nearly back to normal).

Clearly, sub-optimal!

An extra, unexpected thing to deal with on top of normality – which, as it turns out, wasn’t quite as normal as I thought it was.

When your plates pile up

Now, bearing in mind an interrupted holiday and the house situation, it hit me with the alarming realisation that I’m still only a few months into a new job.

Yes, I’m back at Tank where I’ve worked before – and loving it – but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to face any adjustments or learning curves. In many instances, these learning curves were actually re-learning curves as I once again got back into the swing of agency life.

In fact, I probably glossed over some of this too quickly. I was so comfortable settling back in with old colleagues, getting to know new ones and engaging with clients, that I’d not given enough attention to the fact that it’s a new job – irrespective of the fact that I’d worked here before.

To try and be slightly profound – just because the scenery is the same, doesn’t mean the experience will be.

This is also a role that is new for the business as much as it’s new for me too – lots of newness!

All of this coincided with the launch of the service I’m responsible for and the efforts to get that live in the first place – alongside an exciting but slightly last-minute client visit with an overnight stay.

Oh, and have I mentioned I’m also married with kids?!

This all culminated one morning – when I was driving to work – with a dose of “woah, this is a lot.”

Time to stop, and breathe

I have enough experience to spot the signs of needing a moment. Mostly, this recognition is in someone else, but this time it was by looking in the mirror. I knew I needed to speak up and find my support network, as well as cut back on a few things.

I know I didn’t need long, but I needed time to focus on my priorities and defer the jobs that weren’t essential, which is why I briefly stopped writing.

That’s why this blog was silent for a month, despite my pre-planned calendar.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I made sure I also talked this through with those I needed to. I brain-dumped, with rationale, so my point of view was understood and heard, but also so I emptied my mind of anything clouding it.

A problem shared is a problem halved, etc…

With all this in mind, the message I hope you take away from this post is that there’s a difference between not being able to function, and a rare moment of it all getting a little too much.

That difference is huge and distinct.

We rarely go from performing to not at all, without something in the middle.

Spotting your signs of this ‘middle’, so you’re not on the brink, and finding someone to be your north star, means you’ll get better at understanding when you’re beyond your best so next time you can identify when you’re about to fall over.

It all helps.

If it’s work-related, I hope those situations were rare or non-existent.

Perhaps more naturally, you’re thinking about something from when you were younger, such as a proper telling off from a parent or teacher.

(We’ve all had at least one, right?)

Now ask yourself that opening question again, but this time bear in mind this very subtle change: How often you have been on the receiving end of bollocking from yourself?

For those of you who regularly experience self-doubt or lack confidence, I imagine that number has now risen dramatically.

You won’t be alone.

Introducing ‘negative self-talk’

We’ve all been guilty of cursing ourselves under our breath when we’ve done something daft.

I know I will occasionally call myself a ‘silly twat’™ if I make a minor error on a spreadsheet or forget to pick something up from Tesco (which is why I have to make a list!), but negative self-talk goes way beyond these moments.

It’s that internal monologue where you’re constantly doubting your abilities and telling yourself you can’t do something.

It’s where you judge your own success compared to the lives and careers of others, despite the fact they’re on a completely different journey to you.

It’s that habit of moving on from a win far too quickly – losing that sense of achievement – and instead dwelling (and drowning) in any negatives, even minor ones.

It’s where you can’t help but call yourself a failure, even when you’re not.

All of this is pretty heavy to write let alone, I imagine, to read.

And it serves as a reminder that we all need to be kinder to ourselves.

Maybe it’s time to think a little different?

Reframing how you think and behave is a major concept in psychology, particularly in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

The thing is, the majority of the population are not in therapy.

As shared by the Mental Health Foundation, 12% of adults receive mental health treatment and only 3% receive psychological therapy.*

That leaves a big chunk of people who may never have even heard of the concept of negative self-talk, let alone how harmful it is.

So when they’re constantly talking down to themselves, they don’t realise the long-term impact it will have on their wellbeing.

I’ve always acknowledged that it’s easier said than done to go against the grain of how you think, but you don’t need to make wholesale changes immediately.

It’s more important to start small:

• Save any and all praise.

• Spend a few minutes and reflect in the moment when something’s gone well.

• Give yourself a pat on the back the first time you lead a meeting.

• In fact, give yourself a pat on the back the first time you contribute in a meeting!

• Treat yourself when you smash a presentation.

Whatever you do, do it for you!

We should all be our own biggest cheerleaders, not our biggest critics.

*Let’s take a moment to acknowledge how monumental a decision it is to decide it’s time for you to seek out a therapist. It shows incredible self-awareness and courage, and should be applauded.