Are you guilty of over-comparison?

It's called the thief of joy for a reason

There’s an inevitable trend in mentoring where the topic of conversation veers towards colleague-comparison.

It’s never good.

As it says in the sub-heading there’s a reason it’s known as the thief of joy.

Comparing yourself to others immediately reduces your own value and puts them on an unreachable pedestal where you assume everything they do is better, wiser and smarter than your best efforts.

It’s a true cliché that we only ever really see people’s best moments – whether that’s in the office or on LinkedIn when it comes to work, or their ‘dream’ personal life as shared on Instagram.

Sorry to talk sport for a moment, but you wouldn’t compare the blooper reel of one footballer to the highlight reel of footballer to prove a point, would you?

(Actually, mad football ones would but that’s besides the point!)

So why do it in your life with your friends, family or colleagues?

If people don’t mention their own self-doubts or wellbeing troubles, you’re none the wiser – so you have no idea what’s really going on beyond their screen or smile.

No one – and I really do mean no one – is 100% comfortable at any point. There are always worries and doubts – big or small.

The problem is you can make this worse when you start comparing yourself to the reality you see, rather than the reality that actually exists.

You shouldn’t do either but the latter is a little bit more acceptable.

The trick is to try something a little different.

Is it possible to stop comparing?

Yes.

Kind of.

Obviously, no one ever fully stops comparing themselves. It’s as basic a human reaction as saying ‘wheyyy!’ like you did at school when someone smashed a plate

Instead, turn comparison into understanding.

I’ve seen a brilliant example of this in action very recently, where someone has rerouted their comparison energy into something better.

It’s unfair to name them, but they will know who they are after reading this (hopefully), so I hope their efforts help others.

Following a recent promotion, this person took it upon themselves to learn from colleagues with the same job title. They took the time to work out what they wanted to get out of conversations with each person, and set up the quarterly meetings to speak to them directly.

The purpose? Well there’s three:

1. Reassurance – hearing the stories and challenges of others to help you appreciate that what you’re doing works. (Validation is perfectly normal when it comes to speaking to others).

2. Perspective – understand how other people work, as we’re all different, and challenge your own assumptions, open yourself up to new ideas and ways of thinking or working.

3. Learning – what are others better at than you? Can you learn, and then adapt into your own style? Perhaps more importantly, have they made a mistake they learned from that might help you in the future?

I’m sure there are more, but the point is by aiming to understand rather than compare, you’re preventing a bigger headache of internally worry and self-doubt.

You’ll feel much better for it.

Dave

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