You don't need to completely change who you are just because you're at work
Don't try to be something you're not
One frequent conversation I have when mentoring is around the theme of working with others and surviving in office environments.
This is especially common in people who are still at university and haven’t fully started their career, or those who are in the early months or years of their first job.
It also crops up when anyone I mentor is taking tentative steps into finding a new role and needs support around interviews.
My main advice to these people, and to you if this sounds familiar, is this:
You don’t need to completely change who you are just because you’re at work.
This, like any advice given during mentoring, is easy to say and harder to act on. But I too struggled with this concept in the earlier days of my career.
I was particularly guilty of over-talking and interrupting – then charging on without realising what I’d done – and being pulled up on it by colleagues. When compared to this happening at school or at home, it’s ten times worse in the workplace.
It immediately makes you doubt everything you do so you don’t wind people up, particularly if they have a very senior job title or appear to be paid tens of thousands of pounds more than you. That hierarchy can have a really nasty impact on your mindset.
You become tempted to make drastic changes to your personality or way of working, without considering that you could refine – not reinvent – who you are at work.
Adapting without code switching
Making a difference in any job is not about asking “how do I fit in here?”. It’s asking: “How do I contribute without completely losing who I am?”
Most of the time, the answer isn’t dramatic – it’s small adjustments that add up over time.
The skill is twofold.
Firstly, remembering everyone you work with is human (even if some occasionally don’t act like it). This will make you far more comfortable talking to anyone regardless of job title or their position in the org chart. If this is alien to you, look to those who you admire and do it well, then seek them out for their advice.
The second is to understand yourself more. This can be hard, but you’re not doing this to generate extra criticism but, instead, looking for advice from people you trust. You’re not asking them to tell you everything they think is wrong with you – don’t cause yourself more grief!
Instead you’re using some very simple guidance questions to ask for actionable feedback:
Is there anything I say or do, that I could/should do more of?
Is there anything I say or do, that I could/should less of?
And after all of them, don’t forget to add “if so, why?” so the answers you get are constructive.
Combining these skills with a positive attitude and willingness to learn go a long way in any job – as does being easier to work with – which both of those traits help with massively.
Personally, I’m now hugely comfortable with my work personality, as it’s an accurate reflection of who I really am. I don’t code-switch to present an inauthentic version of myself, but I will apply some slight tweaks depending on who I’m speaking to.
Tweaks which, overtime, I’ve learned to make without thinking.
I also own the moments which previously were causing me problems. For instance, where I think I might have gone on a bit I’ll intentionally stop myself with a variation of: “I realise I’m waffling, but does that make sense?”. Or, if I’ve unintentionally interrupted because I had a point to make, I’ll quickly apologise and caveat it: “Sorry for interrupting, I was getting excited about the project.”
These work for me.
You will find yours.
But you don’t need to be a completely ‘new you’ during your working hours.