Here's to the quiet ones
I’m a talker.
Especially at work.
Shocking news to absolutely no one.
I also know, after years of practice and the occasional quiet word (aka “give it a rest for a bit, Dave!”), that I can be guilty of waffling on.
I was that “just one more thing” person in meetings.
Now some of that still happens these days but mostly when I’m excited about a conversation, idea, or project – rather than trying to fill the silence for the sake of it.
(It’s also why I use my go-to line when I know I need to stop!)
But one thing I work hard on is to bring others into the conversation, especially in meetings with numerous voices.
Trying to find a gap to speak in a meeting is a huge struggle for the quieter types among you, especially with people like me in the room.
Those of us who identify closer to E on Myers-Briggs don’t have this worry.
I’m not afraid to politely interrupt to make my point, generate ideas on my feet, or just engage in that typical meeting back and forth.
(Unfortunately, others can be less polite).
I also enjoy it!
We’ll even take a meeting back a few minutes to make our point about a topic that others thought was finished.
Many of you will find some, or all, of the above completely daunting.
You can’t imagine anything worse than interrupting (in your eyes) the flow of a meeting, even though you know you have something to share that’s perfect for that moment.\
You also don’t think you can bring up a point that was discussed earlier, even though double-checking and re-confirming previous conversations is normal.
I do.
But I also know I can help.
I look for those I know who struggle in meetings, bringing them in where I can, asking for their opinion on what I’ve said, or getting them to share their own experience or interpretation.
We’ll even agree in advance agenda points which they can lead on.
It’s only a small gesture, which I’ve been told is appreciated, so we E’s must do it more often.
But if you’re reading this and realising you’re a quiet one, here are five ideas that might just help:
You still don’t have to speak up if you’re not ready
Don’t think you need to drastically change and instantly force yourself to be the proactive meeting leader. Build your confidence first.
Speak to your manager
This is the first big step. Speak to your manager about your worries and either ask them to give you an agenda item to cover or – in more spontaneous meetings – bring you into the conversation. Even if you don’t ask, telling them how hard you find it to speak up in meetings will prompt good managers to involve you more often.
Practice
Run through what you’re going to say with your manager, a colleague or the meeting organiser. It shows you care about what’s going to be talked about. And you want to develop.
Bring your working out
Meetings aren’t tests and having notes isn’t cheating. Bring them along or stick them to the side of your screen on a video call. Being prepared isn’t a weakness!
Ask for feedback
Find time in your 121s for feedback. Or even go directly to the organiser for their thoughts. It will be positive or constructive, especially from a good manager. You won’t be criticised for trying!
Good luck.