How to get the most out of mentoring

Expect guidance, not instructions

I thought it was about time I answered a question that’s been staring me in the face.

(I say staring, in reality, it’s written on my to do list.)

A question that’s particularly appropriate to people who’ve never had a mentor or are unsure if they’re using their existing one in the right way.

How do you get the most out of it all?

What to expect when you’re expect- being mentored

I’ve written before on what mentoring means to me. It’s a chance to help, give back, learn about others, and share experiences and stories.

Ultimately, it’s an ongoing conversation where you get out what you put in.

If you’re heading into a mentoring session with a question like, ‘what would you do in my shoes?’, then you’re approaching it slightly backwards.

The trick is to not expect to be told what you need to do next, but to appreciate the ideas, opinions and experiences shared by your mentor – before applying the ones you think might work best for you.

Then learn and adapt.

Instead, consider approaching your next session with thoughts and themes along some of these lines:

• “I’m experiencing X, what advice would you have to move past this situation?”

• “In your experience, how have people dealt with X.”

• “I’m looking to take the next step in my career, what guidance could you offer on where to start?”

• “How can I reframe my thinking around X?”

Your mentor will, ideally, give you advice – based on experience – that provides clarity. This might be a counterpoint to your way of thinking which makes you pause as you consider that not everyone thinks the same way, or reassurance that you’re on the right track.

Ultimately, they’re a sounding board, but you’re the one who does the doing. You may take on board their advice, or ignore it, but critically you should treat it as a constant learning experience. Not sticking rigidly to a process or attitude that sees you regretting decisions and experiences.

If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always got.

(Other clichés are available!)

When you take on advice and move away from instructions

Slightly caveat here. This is not dismissing day-to-day instructions that you’re giving as part of your job – we all get those!

This is about seeking advice and guidance around your own development or career path, rather than simply asking someone to tell you what you should do next.

The idea of slowly moving away from an instruction-led approach, to taking advice and trying it yourself, is a learning curve we all go through.

I think it’s borne from our experiences of growing up – that power balance between us and people like our parents or teachers. Typically, these are environments where we learn right from wrong and can frequently be told what to do, or how best to do something.

It’s a hard habit to break, but as we get older and start to progress in our careers, we can occasionally fall back into that mindset.

That’s ok.

But separating the moments where you go back to your personal support network versus your mentor(s) is an important boundary to define.

Then you can start to develop your own career, your way, while still appreciating the advice of others.