No one judges you more harshly than you

Be kinder to yourself

How many times have you been on the receiving end of what can only be described as a bollocking?

If it’s work-related, I hope those situations were rare or non-existent.

Perhaps more naturally, you’re thinking about something from when you were younger, such as a proper telling off from a parent or teacher.

(We’ve all had at least one, right?)

Now ask yourself that opening question again, but this time bear in mind this very subtle change: How often you have been on the receiving end of bollocking from yourself?

For those of you who regularly experience self-doubt or lack confidence, I imagine that number has now risen dramatically.

You won’t be alone.

Introducing ‘negative self-talk’

We’ve all been guilty of cursing ourselves under our breath when we’ve done something daft.

I know I will occasionally call myself a ‘silly twat’™ if I make a minor error on a spreadsheet or forget to pick something up from Tesco (which is why I have to make a list!), but negative self-talk goes way beyond these moments.

It’s that internal monologue where you’re constantly doubting your abilities and telling yourself you can’t do something.

It’s where you judge your own success compared to the lives and careers of others, despite the fact they’re on a completely different journey to you.

It’s that habit of moving on from a win far too quickly – losing that sense of achievement – and instead dwelling (and drowning) in any negatives, even minor ones.

It’s where you can’t help but call yourself a failure, even when you’re not.

All of this is pretty heavy to write let alone, I imagine, to read.

And it serves as a reminder that we all need to be kinder to ourselves.

Maybe it’s time to think a little different?

Reframing how you think and behave is a major concept in psychology, particularly in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

The thing is, the majority of the population are not in therapy.

As shared by the Mental Health Foundation, 12% of adults receive mental health treatment and only 3% receive psychological therapy.*

That leaves a big chunk of people who may never have even heard of the concept of negative self-talk, let alone how harmful it is.

So when they’re constantly talking down to themselves, they don’t realise the long-term impact it will have on their wellbeing.

I’ve always acknowledged that it’s easier said than done to go against the grain of how you think, but you don’t need to make wholesale changes immediately.

It’s more important to start small:

• Save any and all praise.

• Spend a few minutes and reflect in the moment when something’s gone well.

• Give yourself a pat on the back the first time you lead a meeting.

• In fact, give yourself a pat on the back the first time you contribute in a meeting!

• Treat yourself when you smash a presentation.

Whatever you do, do it for you!

We should all be our own biggest cheerleaders, not our biggest critics.

*Let’s take a moment to acknowledge how monumental a decision it is to decide it’s time for you to seek out a therapist. It shows incredible self-awareness and courage, and should be applauded.