I tried to stop myself from starting this post with a cliché, but there’s no other way.
Mentoring is a two-way street.
Cliché. ✅
Moving on…
Evolving that statement a little more – effective mentoring is a two-way street.
It requires respect, input and consideration from everyone involved. If a mentee doesn’t propose discussion points and bring questions to each session then it doesn’t work. Likewise, if the mentor makes no effort to understand what shapes their mentee’s point of view and mindset, it’s also doomed to fail.
It’s best described, at least in my opinion, as an all-around willingness to try – from both parties.
Crucially, it’s not something that’s ever meant to be ‘completed’.
What’s more important is the learnings and wins along the way rather than achieving some glorious end goal before you part ways. It’s about continuous improvement, flexibility and personal growth – underpinned by mutual trust and respect.
At least that’s part of what it means to me.
Mentor? Mentee? Why not both…?
Like any challenge, good or bad, the hardest part is often just getting started.
Finding a mentor is the same, but being open to the idea (whether it was your own or suggested) is a huge first step. Even if it can get off to a mentally-rocky start.
To begin with, you worry about who your mentor could be, then once you decide who, you worry they’ll say no and – even if they do say yes – you worry it won’t work, that they’ll hate you and you’ll fail at everything you’ve ever done. Or could ever do. At work. In life. Anywhere!!
Exhausting.
Here’s the twist.
Those who take that plunge to become a mentee, don’t actually realise the skills they’re already showing by just getting started. They’re showing they’re receptive to the idea of feedback and new ways of thinking, while demonstrating an openness to listen and learn.
These are incredible qualities, and ones any good mentor should possess.
Let me hammer the point home – these people will absolutely make good mentors.
They’ll research thoroughly, listen actively and wholeheartedly, taking it just as seriously as they would want to be mentored.
The irony is that they’re probably mentoring in some way already, but without the official title, or perhaps without even realising. They could be assigned to buddying with new starters or delivering training or guidance for those more junior in their careers. More subtly, but just as powerful, they could be a go-to source of reassurance or support in the eyes of those who share their concerns on imposter syndrome and the ‘am I doing a good enough job’ Sunday night scaries.
If you’re starting to realise this might be you, let me know tell you – it absolutely is! Please trust me!
You can be a mentee and still have a mentor.
Maybe your turn is now?
As a commitment to giving feedback where it's deserved, I will be telling those I know who show these characteristics that this post is for them.
This isn’t because I believe my opinion to be so important or influential that they need to hear it, but more because praise should be offered willingly and regularly.
If you have something good to say about someone else then say it.