The guilt of being helped

Using your network isn’t cheating

I’m well aware of the incredible opportunities I’ve been afforded before and during my career. I wrote about a number of them here when I restarted this blog to focus on careers and mentoring advice back in 2023.

(I hope it came across as honest and open as I intended it to be.)

I’m also conscious that there will have been moments where I was completely unaware of how I’ve been helped in ways others hadn’t. Not because I’ve some heightened sense of self-awareness. I don’t! I just noticed it after the fact, like most people do.

One thing I that have noticed when managing and mentoring others is how hard it is for many people to ask for help or guidance. Sometimes this is can be through sheer stubbornness and the desire to get things done without any support. (Not something I’d ever recommend!) However, more often than not, it’s because of the worry that the person you ask will say no, or an overwhelming sense of guilt that you’ll interrupt what they’re up to, become their burden, or just generally put them out.

This is completely natural.

But.

Not if you ask the right person.

Decent people don’t help out others with the expectation of something in return in the future. They do it because they can, because they want to give back, or because they believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

This is a reminder I have to put in to practice now that I work for myself. If I ask for an introduction via someone I know, I’m well aware that this might open the door for some work, but that introduction doesn’t do the work for me.

I still have to prove myself.

However, the work isn’t the hardest bit – that’s the challenge I enjoy. Mustering up the energy and confidence to seek help or advice is much harder. So, if someone asks for my help, I try to recognise how big a deal that might have been for them. Then do as much as possible to help them with their request.

In fact, if you’ve been going back and forth about asking for help, you’re already overthinking it. The person you’re about to ask probably can’t wait to say yes.