Your best traits might lead to your worst
And how understanding this can help
Various studies will tell you that your most active period of personality development is between 20 and 40, but the foundations are clearly made much earlier.
This is definitely easier to see when you’re a parent or have younger relatives.
For example, I have a very good sense of the similarities and differences between my two boys and how they might act in the future.
This doesn’t mean their personalities are set for life, as they will clearly evolve, but it does give me some idea of where they will thrive as adults, or where they may need more support.
And it comes back to one point that I repeat again and again when mentoring:
The worst extensions of ourselves are extremes of our best qualities.
I use this idea to help people understand the reasons why they’re brilliant at what they do, but to also highlight the moments when they could tip themselves over the edge from inside their own mind.
We all do it, but it looks differently depending on your personality. As this list shows (best > worst):
Curious and open-minded > disconnected with an inability to focus.
Ambitious and driven > never satisfied, always pressurising others to ‘win’.
Rational and logical > insensitive and lacking empathy.
Humble and modest > never giving yourself any credit.
Thoughtful and diligent > overthinking and paralysed by analysis.
Calm and steady > emotionally distant and hard to read.
Disciplined and focused > rigid and inflexible.
Detail-oriented > miss the bigger picture.
Reliable and conscientious > unable to say no, taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours.
Direct and honest > blunt to the point of hurting people.
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You get the idea.
Do any make you feel seen? I hope so.
I don’t want this list to make you feel bad (particularly you over-thinkers out there!), but to help you understand your own personal red zone. That moment when you need to stop and breathe… then consider why you’re in that position, and how to slowly take yourself out of it.
One thing to note, I’m not immune to this either!
And I have to remind myself about this on a semi-regular basis – which is particularly challenging when self-employed.
It’s not madness, honest!
But that’s also why I need to find others to bounce ideas off, whether that’s fellow self-employed people, agency-owners or the many people I confide in privately.
Finding those people you trust, who think a little differently to you, or have been through what you’re experiencing, goes a long way to helping you thrive in your own unique way.
Remember, you don’t need to completely change who you are – but doesn’t to hurt to adapt every now and then.